In That Mood...

This may be a really long rant.. so if you're not interested, dont read.

I have so many doubts and regrets lately, it's not even funny.  I have so many things running through my mind that it's hard to sleep at night sometimes.  There's just so much I want to talk about, but i don't know where to start.. but if i don't let SOMETHING out, i might go crazy..

Finals ended today and i'm praying sooooo hard that I passed just so i can continue on in my studies.  Im tired of retaking classes.. i'm tired of having to be such a lazy person that it's my own fault for not passing in the first place.  I try SOO hard in order to study, but my priorities get thrown somewhere else.  My mind races like crazy and it pains me to see myself trying to give self-pity when I know it's my own fault.

Lately my mind focuses on one thing, or I should say one person.  I love using twitter because it's something where you can get updates instantly from people.. but at the same down, the downfall is sending in a reply which later you regret saying.  I went from "think before you type" or "type it, think if it's ok to send, then erase it" to sending in an instant reply and later i feel like an idiot for doing it.  I don't want to call myself a fangirl.. im done with that.. but because I cant call myself that, then what am I?  I think i'm CRAZY!. like seriously.. my mind goes 24/7 to this person.. and then every tweet, i just want to reply and when I end up doing so.. i feel like an idiot.  By the time I want to erase it, a reply gets sent back and I get even more depressed because it's always a reply that I never want it to be.  And just admitting that makes me feel bad about myself.  Self-pity #2..

Lastly.. i feel like everyone's getting to do their own thing.  Everyones graduating this semester, or at least it feels that way, and here I am stuck at school.  I always want to hang out (which I know I shouldnt), but everyone always seems like they already got plans with other people.  I know I shouldn't be like "oh why don't they want to hang with me?" or feel left out or anything, but you know.. you just cant help that.
I guess the whole feeling is that I'm lonely lately.  I don't really have anyone to talk to.. and everyone knows that I cant talk about this kind of stuff with my family.  I'm the quiet one, who usually always seems happy...

I guess I need some alone time to think over some stuff.  Trying to keep get my spirit back =/