.. finish editing my Graduation post, but I'll have to do that later. I've hit a nerve in myself that I wouldn't think I would get to so lately ive been feeling too many emotions that range from depression to anger to jealousy. It sucks. I feel the need to write about it, but right now I just dont know how to express myself.
I might have to do this privately but I just wanted to announce this to the world just as a first step of realization that these emotions are there. And I say that because I'm not usually one to speak out about this kind of stuff. I usually bottle it in or shrug it off. but I guess I finally hit a nerve..
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Frustrated...
I'm frustrated with everything. And now it's starting to affect my appetite. In the last 3 days I've barely eaten. I'm hungry, yet I have no appetite. This is starting to sound familiar, which I won't get into right now (maybe sometime in the future), but it's for a different reason. I want to eat, I really do, but all this stress is just making me lose my appetite. This is such an opposite effect from last semester where I ate a lot before tests, but this semester its the total opposite and I think it's also because of the lack of sleep. All this stress is also giving me rashes which I've never had before. I'm getting them on my stomach and my arms. I really need some sort of support structure right now. I don't get a chance to talk to my closest friends often anymore, I barely see family and I'm always holed up now trying to study or get work done. I dunno.. I just hope to get through this semester....
Sunday, March 4, 2012
It's Complicated...
... to explain this. I feel depressed lately which I usually don't get and it's been getting worse lately. I don't know what it is and it's hard to explain, if I have to, since I don't speak fairly much about my feelings or about myself for that matter.
I don't know if its all the stress, which I'm sure it is, but I just want everything to get better soon. I really do need a break but even with Spring Break coming up in 2 weeks, it's not coming fast enough. I don't think anyone understands how hard I'm working right now. Yeah it seems that all I do at home is go on social networks and just laze around, but really I'm trying really hard to balance school and work at the same time. I do try to make the effort to study and I do have work to be done for classes, but I don't think anyone understands how hard it is. It's my last semester, but people just don't seem to care to leave me alone. What's with the constant noise? What's with asking me to do something for you when you know I'm busy? Why is it that when I really am doing something you'll come up to me when it's something not that important
I'm usually a calm person. But everything is building up inside of me right now and I feel like I'm going to go crazy. I'm so stressed, I'm tired, depressed and have a little anxiety and all this makes me want to cry. I don't normally get these kinds of feelings since I'm always happy-go-lucky and laughing away at stuff but ... I don't know. There's just some things going around in my head lately which isn't normal and I don't know what it'll take for it to go away. Taking one day at a time.. we'll see how I feel in the morning. Sleeping earlier than usual. Not sure if It's a good decision since I still have to work on a lab report, but I just can't take it right now.
I don't know if its all the stress, which I'm sure it is, but I just want everything to get better soon. I really do need a break but even with Spring Break coming up in 2 weeks, it's not coming fast enough. I don't think anyone understands how hard I'm working right now. Yeah it seems that all I do at home is go on social networks and just laze around, but really I'm trying really hard to balance school and work at the same time. I do try to make the effort to study and I do have work to be done for classes, but I don't think anyone understands how hard it is. It's my last semester, but people just don't seem to care to leave me alone. What's with the constant noise? What's with asking me to do something for you when you know I'm busy? Why is it that when I really am doing something you'll come up to me when it's something not that important
I'm usually a calm person. But everything is building up inside of me right now and I feel like I'm going to go crazy. I'm so stressed, I'm tired, depressed and have a little anxiety and all this makes me want to cry. I don't normally get these kinds of feelings since I'm always happy-go-lucky and laughing away at stuff but ... I don't know. There's just some things going around in my head lately which isn't normal and I don't know what it'll take for it to go away. Taking one day at a time.. we'll see how I feel in the morning. Sleeping earlier than usual. Not sure if It's a good decision since I still have to work on a lab report, but I just can't take it right now.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Horrible, Just Horrible..
I probably had the worst work experience i've ever had. Usually when I encounter... interesting... people, I just laugh it off later, but I was so irritated today by all the dumbfuckery of rude and obnoxious people.
This one guy came in wanting to buy 11 dozen cupcake sized cakes. I went to the back to gather 7 more boxes from the back, as the case in the front had 4 already there. When I came out the guy had asked me if we were able to give him a separate box. I went to the back to ask if that were possible and they told me to tell the guy that we can't do that since the cakes will probably topple over since the boxes are so big. I came back out and told him but he said he was willing to take the risk. I said I was sorry that were not able to do so and he started to get irate, telling me that he's buying 11 dozen of our cakes so why can't he do that. Again I had apologized and, of course yelling AT me, he tells me forget it and walks out angry. As if its such a big deal...
This one lady kept asking me questions. I wouldn't mind so much since I like talking to the customers, but when she was asking really obnoxiously. She kept asking the same questions over and over again, not only that, she insisted on seeing the decorations in person, even tho we do have images of them on the cakes already. She also kept asking about having a box for the cake or making sure the cake was wrapped. It was just chaos with this lady. And when she asked me about seeing the decorations in person, she took a good 5-10 min talking to someone else even though I was standing right there waiting to show her what she had JUST asked for.
The lady that she was talking to also got on my nerves. She kept asking questions as well, but even more obnoxious questions. Which cakes are fresh (um all of them)? Which cakes were just recently made (umm.. really.. all of them)? What are the ingredients, What chocolate do we use, where are the ingredients coming from, blah blah blah. its like... come on lady really? If you got a problem with it, then make your own damn cake.
The last lady that came in right before I was done with my shift was the WORST of the day. Coming in with a coupon for another store, she told me she was able to use it here. I questioned her twice about it and the more I asked, I could tell she was getting irritated. I asked my boss and she told me it was alright and the lady started gloating like "SEE, I TOLD YOU I COULD USE IT HERE!!" and she was basically telling my boss that I was giving her problems, but why is it my problem for questioning her for coming in to our store with another stores coupon. Even though she told me my boss said it was ok, well my boss didnt tell me, how am I supposed to know if its alright or not. First of all, you didnt have to give me attitude, second you didn't have to gloat and third, you didnt have to be so rude about it the whole time and snatch the bag out of my hands.
That lady was seriously the customer of the day and I swear that I was ready to say something I shouldnt right when I clocked out. Ive never had such a worse day on a job.... I couldn't wait to leave for the day.
This one guy came in wanting to buy 11 dozen cupcake sized cakes. I went to the back to gather 7 more boxes from the back, as the case in the front had 4 already there. When I came out the guy had asked me if we were able to give him a separate box. I went to the back to ask if that were possible and they told me to tell the guy that we can't do that since the cakes will probably topple over since the boxes are so big. I came back out and told him but he said he was willing to take the risk. I said I was sorry that were not able to do so and he started to get irate, telling me that he's buying 11 dozen of our cakes so why can't he do that. Again I had apologized and, of course yelling AT me, he tells me forget it and walks out angry. As if its such a big deal...
This one lady kept asking me questions. I wouldn't mind so much since I like talking to the customers, but when she was asking really obnoxiously. She kept asking the same questions over and over again, not only that, she insisted on seeing the decorations in person, even tho we do have images of them on the cakes already. She also kept asking about having a box for the cake or making sure the cake was wrapped. It was just chaos with this lady. And when she asked me about seeing the decorations in person, she took a good 5-10 min talking to someone else even though I was standing right there waiting to show her what she had JUST asked for.
The lady that she was talking to also got on my nerves. She kept asking questions as well, but even more obnoxious questions. Which cakes are fresh (um all of them)? Which cakes were just recently made (umm.. really.. all of them)? What are the ingredients, What chocolate do we use, where are the ingredients coming from, blah blah blah. its like... come on lady really? If you got a problem with it, then make your own damn cake.
The last lady that came in right before I was done with my shift was the WORST of the day. Coming in with a coupon for another store, she told me she was able to use it here. I questioned her twice about it and the more I asked, I could tell she was getting irritated. I asked my boss and she told me it was alright and the lady started gloating like "SEE, I TOLD YOU I COULD USE IT HERE!!" and she was basically telling my boss that I was giving her problems, but why is it my problem for questioning her for coming in to our store with another stores coupon. Even though she told me my boss said it was ok, well my boss didnt tell me, how am I supposed to know if its alright or not. First of all, you didnt have to give me attitude, second you didn't have to gloat and third, you didnt have to be so rude about it the whole time and snatch the bag out of my hands.
That lady was seriously the customer of the day and I swear that I was ready to say something I shouldnt right when I clocked out. Ive never had such a worse day on a job.... I couldn't wait to leave for the day.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
What They Say..
I like to play off the fact that I don't look like my ethnic background (does that sentence sound funny? it sounds funny to me). I guess you can call me ambigiously Asian (okay, now THAT sounds funny, and pretty bad). I am Filipino and as far as I know in our lineage I am 100% Filipino. I'm sure somewhere up the line there was mixed blood, but as far as my knowledge I am pure. Those on my mom's side of the family just don't look Filipino at all. We have smaller eyes and we have lighter skin, well... with the exception of my siblings who got it from my dad's side haha
Since I was young, i've always gotten the question "Are you Chinese?" or "Are you Japanese?". I used to get mad when I was younger but it's a running joke now with my family and friends. I think it's pretty funny when people ask me and I sometimes make a game out of it, which then it turn makes the other party uncomfortable in fear of getting it wrong. I bring this up because I get it all the time when I'm working. I listen to JPOP and KPOP when I'm at work so people ask me if I'm Japanese and if I can understand the music (btw, I can understand just a bit since I've taken 2years of Japanese lanuguage classes). I tell them I'm not and then next assume I'm Chinese because they think my boss is my mom. When I tell them I'm Filipino, they get shocked which I'm not really surprised about since it happens so often. The best reactions come from the ones who automatically speak to me in their native language and I'm just like ".... what?" Actually the best reactions come from Filipinos who assume I'm something other than Filipino. And then they always end up asking me the same questions.
1) You're Filipino?
2) Where is your family from?
3) You were born here huh?
4) Can you understand Tagalog?
Always. And it's usually all of them by one person or 2 out of 4. Then they proceed to speak Tagalog to me but of course I reply back in English. I think they do so just to test me, I dunno, but it seems that way.
It's interesting to me that It always ends up being this way. Not that I'm saying it's bad or anything, it's just amusing that it always happens.
Since I was young, i've always gotten the question "Are you Chinese?" or "Are you Japanese?". I used to get mad when I was younger but it's a running joke now with my family and friends. I think it's pretty funny when people ask me and I sometimes make a game out of it, which then it turn makes the other party uncomfortable in fear of getting it wrong. I bring this up because I get it all the time when I'm working. I listen to JPOP and KPOP when I'm at work so people ask me if I'm Japanese and if I can understand the music (btw, I can understand just a bit since I've taken 2years of Japanese lanuguage classes). I tell them I'm not and then next assume I'm Chinese because they think my boss is my mom. When I tell them I'm Filipino, they get shocked which I'm not really surprised about since it happens so often. The best reactions come from the ones who automatically speak to me in their native language and I'm just like ".... what?" Actually the best reactions come from Filipinos who assume I'm something other than Filipino. And then they always end up asking me the same questions.
1) You're Filipino?
2) Where is your family from?
3) You were born here huh?
4) Can you understand Tagalog?
Always. And it's usually all of them by one person or 2 out of 4. Then they proceed to speak Tagalog to me but of course I reply back in English. I think they do so just to test me, I dunno, but it seems that way.
It's interesting to me that It always ends up being this way. Not that I'm saying it's bad or anything, it's just amusing that it always happens.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Revelation. Kind of......
It's that time of the semester where those who are filing for graduation need to start applying. Ive been trying to get my advisers signature for the last couple days, but always come at the wrong times. Even today, I came earlier than usual and he wasn't in his office. Luckily I headed back right after and caught him as he was heading there.
Sitting with him as he looked over my papers, he kept asking me a few questions about.. I guess LIFE. He asked what I want to do once I graduate, how are classes going, was it difficult to get into my classes, how'd I like going to this school.. but one in particular made me laugh, which also made him laugh a bit which was
"You were an INTERIOR DESIGN MAJOR?"
Yes...I WAS. For the first 3 years of being at that school I was an Interior Design major. But not once in that 3 year span did I ever take an art class. Not one. Not even as an elective for GE. How did I get from an Interior design major to a Microbiology major? I told him my story:
*I applied to the school as a CELL AND MOLECULAR student, but I entered the school as an Interior Design major as I had changed it prior to entering the school. I chose an art major because Art was something that I've been thinking of doing for a long time (back in high school I was ready to apply to an art school, only to realize in my senior year that I wanted to go to a "4yr school"). I ended up changing it to Microbiology because I knew it was science that I loved and wanted to do.
He told me he was amazed, mentioning that not most college students actually take the time to explore and think about what they're doing or take the time to actually find that thing that they're meant to do.
Him telling me this made me realize that science really is who I am. I know I always joke around about science stuff, or explain scientific things to people when they ask, but it's been awhile since I had to think about why I decided to change my major from an art to science major. And for him to, I guess, praise my decision made me realize that I did choose the right path.
All the hardships I've gone through...
Watching myself re-taking courses I SHOULD have passed the first time...
So many years of being at this school...
Watching my friends graduate before my eyes...
I've felt myself wanting to give up, maybe even switching my major, but in the end, I'm happy and proud of the accomplishments I've made so far. I know in the end it's all going to be worth it.
Sitting with him as he looked over my papers, he kept asking me a few questions about.. I guess LIFE. He asked what I want to do once I graduate, how are classes going, was it difficult to get into my classes, how'd I like going to this school.. but one in particular made me laugh, which also made him laugh a bit which was
"You were an INTERIOR DESIGN MAJOR?"
Yes...I WAS. For the first 3 years of being at that school I was an Interior Design major. But not once in that 3 year span did I ever take an art class. Not one. Not even as an elective for GE. How did I get from an Interior design major to a Microbiology major? I told him my story:
*I applied to the school as a CELL AND MOLECULAR student, but I entered the school as an Interior Design major as I had changed it prior to entering the school. I chose an art major because Art was something that I've been thinking of doing for a long time (back in high school I was ready to apply to an art school, only to realize in my senior year that I wanted to go to a "4yr school"). I ended up changing it to Microbiology because I knew it was science that I loved and wanted to do.
He told me he was amazed, mentioning that not most college students actually take the time to explore and think about what they're doing or take the time to actually find that thing that they're meant to do.
Him telling me this made me realize that science really is who I am. I know I always joke around about science stuff, or explain scientific things to people when they ask, but it's been awhile since I had to think about why I decided to change my major from an art to science major. And for him to, I guess, praise my decision made me realize that I did choose the right path.
All the hardships I've gone through...
Watching myself re-taking courses I SHOULD have passed the first time...
So many years of being at this school...
Watching my friends graduate before my eyes...
I've felt myself wanting to give up, maybe even switching my major, but in the end, I'm happy and proud of the accomplishments I've made so far. I know in the end it's all going to be worth it.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
WHY?!
I've been so busy with school, so I've neglected to post on here. Work is hella slow right now, which is why I'm updating and i'm about to fall asleep so I need something to entertain me for 45 minutes hahah.
Ive been caught up with a group presentation for parasitology. I hate my group. I don't know how much more I can emphasize that, but that's it..i HATE my group. And heres why:
- Bunch of know-it-alls
- Stuck me with the hardest part of the project
- Made me FINISH it after they finished their parts
- Combined everything together and even had to design it
- Meet at times that are so unconvenient.
Anyways. that's all i gotta say about that. We'll see what happens with grading. Sorry I suck at public speaking, but I did my shit.. all that's left is the group paper which doesnt make any fuckin sense to do cuz how the fuck you gonna do a group paper right? whatever.. that's all. bye
Ive been caught up with a group presentation for parasitology. I hate my group. I don't know how much more I can emphasize that, but that's it..i HATE my group. And heres why:
- Bunch of know-it-alls
- Stuck me with the hardest part of the project
- Made me FINISH it after they finished their parts
- Combined everything together and even had to design it
- Meet at times that are so unconvenient.
Anyways. that's all i gotta say about that. We'll see what happens with grading. Sorry I suck at public speaking, but I did my shit.. all that's left is the group paper which doesnt make any fuckin sense to do cuz how the fuck you gonna do a group paper right? whatever.. that's all. bye
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